I love my children & I'm shocked by how often I want them to leave me alone.

A partial list of questions I ask myself regularly/consciously/subconsciously:

  • Do I love my children enough
  • Do my children love me
  • Do I love my children as much as other mothers appear to love their children
  • Do I dedicate enough time to them
  • Do I let them be themselves
  • Do I help or hinder their development
  • Are they OK
  • Are they going to be OK
  • Do they resent me
  • Do they know what resentment is yet
  • Am I paying attention
  • Am I a good mother
  • Am I a bad mother
  • How will they remember me
  • Do they understand what I "do"
  • Will I write all the books I want to write
  • Can writing & motherhood intersect in a way that isn't devastating
  • Are they stimulated enough
  • Are they too stimulated
  • Will they remember their childhoods fondly
  • Do they believe in God
  • Have I enjoyed them today
  • Are they helpers
  • Are they resilient
  • Are they happy
  • Are they close
  • Will they grow closer
  • Am I being fair to them
  • Do I treat them equally
  • Are they in a good school
  • Do they have good friends
  • Are they good friends to others
  • Am I doing my part to raise decent, socially responsible humans
  • Am I doing enough to teach them about cruelty without scaring them
  • Am I scaring them appropriately
  • Do I scare them
  • Are there things I don't know about them
  • Do I demand too much
  • Am I too pushy/controlling/stern/overbearing
  • Would my mother and grandmother approve of my choices
  • Is it possible to teach empathy
  • Am I modeling empathy
  • Did I do my best today
 At the Harvard Museum of Natural History, late March 2017

At the Harvard Museum of Natural History, late March 2017