I love my children & I'm shocked by how often I want them to leave me alone.
A partial list of questions I ask myself regularly/consciously/subconsciously:
- Do I love my children enough
- Do my children love me
- Do I love my children as much as other mothers appear to love their children
- Do I dedicate enough time to them
- Do I let them be themselves
- Do I help or hinder their development
- Are they OK
- Are they going to be OK
- Do they resent me
- Do they know what resentment is yet
- Am I paying attention
- Am I a good mother
- Am I a bad mother
- How will they remember me
- Do they understand what I "do"
- Will I write all the books I want to write
- Can writing & motherhood intersect in a way that isn't devastating
- Are they stimulated enough
- Are they too stimulated
- Will they remember their childhoods fondly
- Do they believe in God
- Have I enjoyed them today
- Are they helpers
- Are they resilient
- Are they happy
- Are they close
- Will they grow closer
- Am I being fair to them
- Do I treat them equally
- Are they in a good school
- Do they have good friends
- Are they good friends to others
- Am I doing my part to raise decent, socially responsible humans
- Am I doing enough to teach them about cruelty without scaring them
- Am I scaring them appropriately
- Do I scare them
- Are there things I don't know about them
- Do I demand too much
- Am I too pushy/controlling/stern/overbearing
- Would my mother and grandmother approve of my choices
- Is it possible to teach empathy
- Am I modeling empathy
- Did I do my best today